dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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