U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
