She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I will be naked everywhere
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
