My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
