I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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