Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
