I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
