i will never coherently bang her
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
