Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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