i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
