I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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