I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
