your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
