Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
