just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ketchup is God's man juice
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
