I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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