I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
