he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
