She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
