i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
