It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
