no one should ever give us hovercrafts
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
