the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
