I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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