Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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