I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
