The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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