first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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