I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
