I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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