White coat. Heels.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
