I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
