But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So here I am, sexting at work.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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