someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
