i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
