You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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