So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
4 words: hood of his car
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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