I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
