I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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