i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
