So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
