i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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