I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
