My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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