I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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