The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
