im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
