I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
