I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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