smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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