At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
