after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
