Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
