Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
